Tomorrow is National Boss’ Day, and what a day to celebrate!  At Fierce, we know that when looking at what makes a great leader, you’ll find they love to learn and they’re constantly thinking of how to improve their leadership.

While we hope you feel appreciated on this day dedicated to hard-working bosses such as yourself, we hope you also make time to reflect on where you can improve your management and better your relationships with colleagues and your team.

With that in mind, as you reflect today, I want you to remember this:

The heart of any business is not about revenue. It’s not about deadlines. And it’s not about goals and whether we achieve them.

Although all of these aspects are important in business, the only reason they’re important is because of the people they impact.

Why You Should Care About Being a Great Leader

I recall a specific incident in a previous position that woke me up, so to speak, to what really matters. One day I was blasting through an extended list of tasks, which included sending out emails to a long list of clients.

My boss was copied on the emails, and he gave me some great feedback: “It might be nice to add something in that’s more personal. Wish them a good day or something. You know, create some warm fuzzies. Clients like warm fuzzies.”

And it’s true! Adding warmth to our “business interactions” strengthens relationships and brightens our experience of the moment. In my mind that day, all I was thinking about was checking tasks off my to-do list, but my boss’s feedback made me remember the real reason behind why these tasks are so valuable.

In Start with Why, Simon Sinek writes, “Happy employees ensure happy customers. And happy customers ensure happy shareholders — in that order.”

How do we create a foundation for happier employees? The key is emotional capital — the ability to connect on a human level. We are happiest when we’ve established a sense of trust and mutual respect with those around us.

The relationships that exist between everyone involved in the business, both with our coworkers and our clients, are indeed the heart of business.

As Susan Scott wrote in FIERCE CONVERSATIONS, “Our most valuable currency is not money. Nor is it intelligence, attractiveness, fluency in three-letter acronyms, or the ability to write code or analyze a P&O statement. Our most valuable currency is relationship.”

Relationships are the seed from which everything else grows, including success.

Here’s another way to look at this idea:

When we focus on relationships as the center of our efforts, we break into higher levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The grind is all about surviving physiologically.

We pay the bills when we get stuff done. Focusing on relationships, however, moves us into the higher levels of belonging, esteem, and even self-actualization. It becomes about more than just surviving — we’re able to thrive and help others thrive in the process.

Everything we do each day, whether we consider it small or large, creates a ripple effect that impacts others.

Every single one of us is endowed with an empowering level of freedom to make a positive impact and grow relationships, both inside and outside our organizations. And whether we succeed at doing so impacts the bottom line on which we so often place our focus.

Stats from Marketing Wizdom reveal the average business loses around 20% of its customers annually by failing to attend to customer relationships.

It’s eye-opening to consider what we’re doing for the people we work with — and how our choices and interactions with them are changing their life for the better (or worse, depending on the intent behind our approach).

Tips to Become a Better Boss

Here are the four truths to remember, reflect on and actively practice that will strengthen your relationships with your colleagues, direct reports and clients:

Truth #1: The conversation is the relationship.

Relationship building cannot occur without conversation.

Now, some of these conversations can be challenging, like when they involve FEEDBACK or CONFRONTATION, and others are simpler and sentimental.

Regardless, all conversations have the potential to strengthen connections by granting us permission to explore the thoughts and feelings of another person. The state of the relationship is defined by the quality of these exchanges.

Truth #2: There’s always time.

Saying “I don’t have time to strengthen my relationships” is like saying “I don’t have time for what’s most important.”

If you feel pulled in different directions at any given moment, prioritize according to what is most pertinent to the relationships you have with those around you. Take a moment—commit to finding ways to connect with others.

Small acts of appreciation will go a long way.

Truth #3: Connect with “Why.”

Individually and organization-wide, reconnect with “why.”

What is your company’s mission statement? Who are you serving, and why are you serving them? It’s important to stay connected to a sense of purpose in order to connect to our work on a level that places relationships at the heart of your day-to-day.

Truth #4: Diving deeper will bring you closer.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about the weather or the breakroom snacks, but these types of conversations will only get you so far in strengthening connections.

To deepen connections, ask questions.

If an opportunity arises, ask about the other person’s likes and dislikes, why they like or dislike these things, what their dreams are, how they feel about certain topics, and what matters to them. Listen actively, and be prepared to be nowhere else but here.

In our daily routines, we might find ourselves getting lost at times in what is often referred to as “the grind.” Wake up. Go to work. Work hard. Achieve. In the process of doing what we do, we may have moments where we lose sight of why we’re doing it. If you feel lost in the grind, you have to check yourself.

Right here, right now, check yourself. Connect with the people who offer a why behind what you do. There’s no better time to start than right now.

Work remote is tricky. Common concerns I hear from leaders frequently are: Are people really working? Are they getting the support they need? Are the teams collaborating as they should? 

While these questions may be considered “old school” and stodgy… because, of course, we have technology, and the 24/7 nature of work requires us to work remotely anyway…

I would say these questions regarding the challenges of managing remote employees are much deeper, culturally.

Are people really working? Well, are they working in your physical office? Is this a lack of accountability? Clarity? Delegation? 

Are they getting the support they need? Do you feel confident they are when they are in an office space?  

Are the teams collaborating as they should? Do you feel confident they are when they are in an office space?  

Because Fierce is a small company, I understand the value of having our people physically being together in key functions. That said, working remotely is an option some time of the week and in extenuating circumstances. There’s also value of having a remote workforce in order to create more ease for our Fierce Learning team that is constantly on the road working alongside our clients.

I share this because I do not think there is an easy answer when deciding what’s right and wrong for remote working. And maybe there isn’t a one-size fits all approach.

Regardless, the thing I think leaders who question remote working don’t fully acknowledge is that life doesn’t happen outside of the old-school mentally of needing to be physically at the office from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.

At Fierce, we’re able to effectively manage remote working as an option because we have a strong culture of accountability and delegation. If that culture wasn’t present, it would be very hard to make a remote work policy effective.

I’m sure you won’t be surprised to hear that work remote is actually on the rise.

This 2018 study found that globally, 70 percent of employees work from home at least once a week. That number is less for U.S.-only workers, however, it’s quickly been on the rise over the past several years.

GALLUP reported that in 2016, 43% of employees in the U.S. worked from home at least some of the time, up from 39% in 2012. As mentioned in our 2018 PREDICTIONS, we expect this percentage will continue to rise.

There are a number of reasons for this increase in remote work — aside from the ease of communication made possible by virtual technology. Employees are wanting to reduce commute time, increase flexibility, and boost their sense of autonomy.

Gallup further revealed that “despite not always having a manager nearby to monitor their productivity, remote workers actually log more hours at their primary job than do their on-site counterparts.”

This counters some of the misconceptions people may have about working remote, such as the idea that remote workers are just watching TV all day, distracted by pets or family members, or taking intermittent cat naps.

Though it may come as a surprise to some, it appears that fewer office-related distractions, more autonomy, and the comforts of home can increase productivity and motivation for many employees.

In fact, according to recent data, remote workers have brought some pretty amazing benefits to their organizations:

• Increase in productivity, engagement, and efficiency.
• Decrease in employee stress and improved morale.
• Decline in overhead and real estate costs.
• Better impact on the environment.
• Attracts Millennial and Gen Z workers.

Those are some great perks! So, how can organizations make sure they do remote working the right way so they too can see these improvements? Here’s the single factor that will make or break the success of telecommuting: effective communication.

What comes to mind when you think of autonomy?

You might imagine your team engaging in solo work that they know how to do and you don’t need to check-in with them about.

While there is truth to this idea of autonomy, there’s a lot more to it. Autonomy at its core is about ownership, accountability, trust relative to our work, and having a sense of control over how we use our time.

In a larger context, autonomy creates a sense of empowerment. The ability to pursue our preferences helps support our sense of autonomy, so how we create it in our own lives tends to vary from person to person.

Part of being an effective leader is exploring how the areas of performance and engagement can be strengthened — and autonomy is a major player in accomplishing that goal.

This is easier said than done of course when you have a global workforce spread out over time zones and continents. The desire to micro-manage and be in all the details in order to have your own sense of control is real but it’s not effective and it’s costing you productivity, and it’s costing you the engagement of your team.

To dive into the idea of why we need to give autonomy and what we’re talking about when we say that word, we have to consider human motivation — when we feel inspired, we feel motivated, which leads us to fully engage in our work and perform at our best.

Daniel Pink, the author of Drive, pinpointed three elements necessary for generating the deepest levels of motivation within ourselves: autonomy, mastery, and purpose. In his words, “Control leads to compliance — autonomy leads to engagement.”

This is really important. Let’s look at some data that supports just how much autonomy matters in the workplace…

Researchers from the UNIVERSITY OF BIRMINGHAM revealed that if you have flexible working hours or the ability to work at your own pace (ahem, autonomy), you’re likely to have higher job satisfaction and higher overall well-being than other professionals who don’t.

In other words, we need it to achieve satisfaction in our careers. The study also revealed that 90% of people in managerial positions reported high levels of autonomy, while over half of all low-skilled employees reported having no autonomy at all.

Management is also not the only level with an organization that deserves autonomy. Leadership needs to support and promote empowerment and freedom of choice across all levels within their organization.

Published in the journal, PERSONALITY AND SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY BULLETIN, “gaining autonomy quenches the desire for power,” and people would rather work in a non-managerial, autonomous position that grants self-empowerment than take a promotion offering power over others.

People are seeking control over their own lives and appear to have little desire to control the lives of others. This should serve as a wake-up call to leadership — the possibility of a promotion may not be a top motivator for employees, but they may be seeking one if they think it will grant them more autonomy.

This can manifest in many various ways in different cultures. however, the desire for autonomy is a human desire. Below are four tips to provide autonomy to your global workforce in order to better set them up for success:

1. Respect time boundaries.

Recently, my team had a month wherein our results were nowhere we wanted them to be. After traveling globally, I came back to HQ and saw how the month was going to end and I had a moment of sheer panic – so I sprung a surprise strategy session on their calendars for the next morning ready to dig in.

What’s the problem with this? I did not take my team’s schedule into consideration at all. They had their days planed, their week planned and because I am their boss and I knew I could, I said, drop your plans and do what I want.

Don’t get me wrong, there might be crisis situations that call for this, but after reflecting I realized this is something I do often.

Having a sense of individual power over how time at work is arranged can increase autonomy. When you respect your own time and the time of others—set boundaries and respect that even if something is urgent for you as the leader, you still need to check-in with your team and respect that they might also have urgent matters that are as important as yours.

One piece that I realized with my meeting was that I was not even prepared for it. I hadn’t reflected enough to make the time impactful.

With pre-scheduled meetings, make sure to set an intention and provide attendees with an agenda beforehand in addition to asking for meeting consent before scheduling. Ask yourself where you are wanting collaboration from your team so you can cut to the chase in meetings and focus on the most important issue(s) at hand.

If you have a global team that spans different cultures, you do want to spend time learning how meetings in that culture are run within that culture. This will provide inclusivity and build trust with your team.

2. Provide trust and flexibility.

The reality is that trust and flexibility are easy to give others when things are going well. It’s when you are in difficult times as a team that we tend to want to micro-manage. Two questions I always ask myself when leading others and the results are off are:

• Are they doing everything we have agreed on?
• If it’s a performance issue, have I shared my feedback/area of concern?

The thing to remember is that trust is built through consistent identity and it’s earned on both sides. If you don’t trust your team there is an underlying issue you are not tackling, it’s that simple.

Don’t put this off and instead hover over your team and their performance – tackle your toughest challenge and have the conversation.

3. Delegate to develop.

Delegating to develop your team will increase autonomy by empowering them to make decisions. Not only does this communicate your own trust in their ability, but it also provides them with an opportunity to strengthen their own self-trust. Effective delegation will allow employees to develop personally and professionally and provides them with opportunities to take action in new ways.

4. Have conversations about the current level of autonomy in your organization.

If you’re a leader and you want to develop autonomy within your global team, then you need to ask for feedback on how they currently feel and think. You can start by asking your team:

• Do you feel a sense of ownership and choice when it comes to your work?
• Do you feel empowered in your schedule, and comfortable with the pace at which you’re able to work?
• Do you feel there’s a mutual sense of trust between colleagues?

If the answer is no to any of these questions, a conversation can open up the possibility for more autonomy. Explore how they’re feeling about the current level of autonomy and discuss what changes can be made together that could improve it.

If you’re an individual contributor and feel that your current work environment isn’t supportive of autonomy, don’t let it slide. Have a conversation with your manager or supervisor. Approaching someone in a leadership role about your desire for more autonomy can be daunting, but the cost of not having the conversation is too great.

Supporting autonomy for the people we work with is an important part of strengthening our relationships, and the state of our relationships largely impacts business ROI. Download our whitepaper THE ROI OF SKILLFUL CONVERSATION: RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR MEASURABLE BUSINESS RESULTS for more insights.

Confronting someone is scary. It can be even scarier to confront your boss. Often the anxiety you feel is strong enough to make you want to bury your head in the sand, no matter what the issue.

It’s also very understandable to be afraid of confronting your boss. If the conversation goes awry, you may worry that it will put your job at stake. This is, of course, a worst-case scenario. From our experience here at Fierce, we can honestly tell you that this outcome is incredibly rare. More often than not, confrontation conversations lead to positive change.

The truth is, how receptive they are to the conversation plays into how successful they will be as a leader and the kind of culture they want to create for the company. There is a lot at stake for everyone — not just you.

Despite the intimidation you may feel, avoiding confronting your boss can turn an otherwise straightforward conversation into something bigger and more complex.

For example, in a team meeting, your boss makes a comment about your work that you think is off-base. Afterward, you think: is this what my boss really thinks of me?

This is when you risk spiraling — where your mind conjures up realities that most likely aren’t true. That mindset never leads to a positive outcome.

The next day when he or she walks by you in the hall without smiling, you begin to wonder if you’re a hop, skip, and a jump away from being fired. You now want to avoid your boss at all costs in hopes that his or her feelings towards you will work themselves out.

Soon a low-grade resentment begins to breed toward this person, and every interaction you have with them only strengthens your context that they’re unhappy with you. And guess what? You may find yourself less and less happy with them, and less and less happy at work.

Having a confrontation conversation allows you the opportunity to see the whole truth, and not just your own. You may discover that what you thought you heard was a misinterpretation or an incorrect assumption. You could also learn something you didn’t know about your performance and gain more insight into how you can improve. From there, you can take the appropriate next steps and move forward on solid ground.

Does knowing this make it less scary? No.

Does it make it necessary so you can be happy and engaged at work? Yes.

Knowing how to prepare and navigate these conversations skillfully can make all the difference in the outcome.

To help take away some of the anxiety, here are three simple steps to prepare:

Step 1: Know Your Issue

In a FIERCE CONFRONTATION, the first step in preparing to confront anyone is to name the issue for yourself. This is even more critical when confronting a leader. Be specific. If you take the above example, the real issue is the leader’s comment in the meeting. Simply saying, “I want to talk with you about the effect your comment at the team meeting today had on me” is a great way to start the conversation. Simple, straightforward, and to the point! If you’ve already begun to spiral, leave those thoughts out of the conversation. Just focus on what happened in reality.

Step 2: Schedule a Time

Leaders are busy. It’s not uncommon that throughout the day they’re pulled in many different directions. Catching them off-guard could cause an emotion from another issue they’re dealing with to seep into your conversation. You deserve your leader’s full attention. To ensure the conversation is a success, make it a priority for both of you, and schedule a meeting so they can anticipate it and show up fully present.

Step 3: Prepare Yourself

Confrontation conversations aren’t meant to be “versations:” a conversation that lacks the Latin root word “con,” which means “with,” creating a one-sided speech. In other words, this is not an opportunity to go in and rail against your leader and expect them to just sit there and listen. Invite them to respond. The point is to learn more about their side and to clarify whether there is a bigger issue. And if so, determine some next steps to resolve it. Expressing your desire to find a solution can also help reduce anxiety and get both of you on the same page.

To lessen the scare factor even further, begin to examine how you may have contributed to the situation. This is usually easier to do once you’ve heard their perspective. Ask yourself: how have I contributed to the issue? How do I feel about it? Take notes. This will help you stay clear when you begin to hear their side and can help show you where you need to shift in order to move forward on a positive note.

And if you’re a leader, prepare to be confronted.

How receptive you are to your employees and their concerns is the most imperative part of leading successfully, building emotional capital, and creating a positive workplace culture. Enter these conversations with curiosity and set an intention to prioritize the relationship.

Being confronted can present an opportunity to learn about how your own communication is perceived, giving you an opportunity to course correct and learn more about the needs of individuals on your team.

The reality is there is no trivial comment you can make as a leader. Ambiguous comments about work or performance can create tension in the relationship and are worthy of a confrontation conversation.

If you’re having an issue with someone in a position of leadership, use these three steps to help empower yourself to take responsibility for your own happiness at work.

As someone with more than 20 years’ experience teaching leaders how to have effective conversations, I strongly believe that feedback is extremely important to individual and organizational success…and absolutely NOT a fallacy.

In a recent Harvard Business Review article, The Feedback Fallacy, Marcus Buckingham and his co-author, Ashley Goodall, take feedback to task. They argue that the act of feedback is “about telling people what we think of their performance and how they should do it better…and on that, the research is clear: Telling people what we think of their performance doesn’t help them thrive and excel and telling people how we think they should improve actually hinders learning.”

This definition, from a training perspective, puts me in an unfortunate bind.

For the most part, their points are solid:

• NOT EFFECTIVE: identifying failure and giving people feedback about how to avoid it.
• EFFECTIVE: praise that interrupts and pulls a colleague’s attention toward something that really worked.
• NOT EFFECTIVE: when someone whose intentions are unclear tells us where to stand, how good we “really” are, and what we must do to fix ourselves.
• EFFECTIVE: when people who know and care about us tell us what they experience and what they feel, and in particular when they see something within us that really works.

One gets the feeling when reading these things, that all we experience is what’s NOT effective — that because we’re rarely-if-ever experience what is effective, that it’s all a fallacy.

This is where I take issue with Buckingham’s argument.

It’s a difficult pill to swallow — disagreeing with Marcus Buckingham, a person who I admire. But alas, as someone who lives in the Learning and Development world and has seen it’s magic when successful, I must.

I must disagree because I truly believe “The Feedback Fallacy” completely misses the point of what successful, healthy feedback truly is — which, in itself is what Buckingham actually alludes to in his article, whether he knows it or not.

Because we haven’t learned how to give, receive, and ask for feedback effectively it APPEARS to be a fallacy.

Enter Fierce Feedback.

IN DEFENSE OF EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK

At Fierce we believe that what we talk about, how we talk about it, and most importantly, the degree of authenticity we bring to the conversations we are having makes all the difference. This, by necessity, includes Fierce Feedback – one of the most highly requested programs we offer.

In the past year alone, I have trained Fierce in numerous companies with countless participants discussing feedback’s importance, its value, and its how-to. Again and again, I hear nearly the same thing: “there’s a measurable and painful gap between what we know we should be saying and what we’re actually saying (or not saying)!” There has never been a time in which I’ve heard anyone say that feedback is a “fallacy.”

The clients we work with – and their leaders – know it’s needed, critical even. They know its absence is costly. And they know they’ve got to get better at it.

They’re hardly alone.

All of us know how we should be engaging with others – whether in our organization as a whole, our workgroups, and teams and especially in our personal relationships.

We know that when we’re providing constructive feedback, even recognition, and praise, it needs to be specific. And, to Buckingham’s point, we can acknowledge that we only give feedback from our own limited perspective.

We also know, even if we sometimes forget, that we MUST allow the other person to share their perspective so that feedback doesn’t become a one-way diatribe. It’s a conversation after all!

WHAT PEOPLE REALLY THINK OF FEEDBACK

The knowing isn’t the problem. It’s the doing (or lack thereof) that is. Here’s a sample of what I continue to hear:

• “I know feedback would help my colleague move closer to her goals; that it would serve and support her along the way. But I don’t want to say anything that might upset her or be taken the wrong way.”
• “I know people need and deserve more praise, but I don’t want them to get used to it. Shouldn’t they just know that if they don’t hear anything, everything’s OK?”
• “I want to give feedback, but I’m afraid the other person can’t handle it; worse, they’ll think I’m mean. And besides, it’s their job! Shouldn’t they just know what they’re supposed to be doing and how? Why do I have to tell them?”
• “Yes, I could mitigate a potential disaster by stepping into a conversation with a colleague or direct report, but I don’t want to come off as a know-it-all or seen as too demanding. Besides, I’m busy. They’ll figure it out eventually.”

Bringing this back to my disagreement with Buckingham and Goodall, the issue is not that feedback is a fallacy. It’s that very few organizations have the practical, relevant, and applicable tools in place that enable people to give and receive feedback effectively.

No wonder it’s viewed so negatively! We are not equipped with the necessary skills to do (and say) what we know matters most.

Which, come to think of it, is exactly what the authors are saying – just from a different slant:

“There’s nothing more believable and more authoritative than sharing what you saw…and how it made you feel. Use phrases such as ‘This is how that came across for me,’ or ‘This is what that made me think,’ or even just ‘Did you see what you did there?’ Those are your reactions — they are your truth…as seen through your eyes.”

Exactly! This IS what Fierce Feedback teaches.

“The emphasis here should not be on why – ‘Why didn’t that work?’ ‘Why do you think you should do that?’ …Instead, focus on what – ‘What do you actually want to have happened?’ ‘What are a couple of actions you could take right now?’”

Yes. Yes. Yes! This is, again, exactly what Fierce Feedback offers and teaches; it’s why we so strongly believe in all forms of feedback.

It’s all about having “people who know us and care about us tell us what they experience and what they feel…”

Perfect! (Have you been hanging out, incognito, in the back of my classes?)

WHY FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT

A leader in one of our client-organizations told me a story that makes all of this that much more poignant and powerful: She had been working at the same company for 10 years when she received a significant promotion to a high-profile project. The stakes were significant and success was non-negotiable.

During that first year, she felt a great deal of anxiety and stress, not to mention frustration. She rarely received any feedback at all from her new manager and little clarity on expectations.

When the day came for her first annual review in the new position, she began organizing the files in her office and collecting her personal effects because she was sure she was about to be let go, at the very least, demoted. She even called her husband, who happened to work across the street, and asked him to be on the ready, since she was certain she’d need a shoulder to cry on.

Imagine her surprise when she met with her manager and received nothing but glowing recommendations and “exceeds expectations” across the board!

Six months later she left the company.

Giving feedback, “sharing our truth,” naming what we see and how it makes us feel, even (and maybe especially) where praise and recognition are concerned, makes all the difference. Had she received it all along, she may not have left at all.

Yes, too many organizations get it wrong – including the extremes of Bridgewater Associates and Netflix, as Buckingham suggests in his article — which is why we at Fierce remain committed to feedback itself and Fierce Feedback, specifically.

The limitless business and relational results that feedback drives when done well – with skill, grace, humility, and courage — are wonderful to witness and certainly make the case that no one should ever give up on feedback.

Were Marcus Buckingham given the opportunity to reframe his argument with an understanding of Fierce Feedback, I’ve no doubt he would agree that it’s no fallacy at all; rather, more needed than ever!

Interested in finding out more about how you can become more effective at feedback? In this blog, we share the three ways anyone can unlock the true value of feedback.

Last spring, I got a fancy new title: Vice President of Global and Channel Partnerships. This new fancy title also came with the task to support our company’s mission — to change the world, one conversation at a time.

My primary goal? To take something that existed within Fierce and transform it into something that would ultimately champion the organization into becoming a truly global company.

This is a very lofty task for anyone no matter your business’ size.

Our President shared that this first year of my transformation plan I would be supported with the budget of my creativity and the strength of her support – two things I’ve relied on for the better part of a decade, so I happily agreed.

Day one into my new role, with my 90-day plan empty and staring back at me begging to be filled in, I suddenly realized that my accomplishment of this goal would be almost entirely based on others. I would need to find a way to strategically align with people outside of my team in order to be truly successful in my efforts.

As someone who subscribes to the adage of, “if it’s meant to be, it’s up to me,” this was terrifying.

With no team and no budget, my colleagues would have to support what I was building not because they had to, but because they wanted too. Because they believed in what I was building, believed in me. That means that what was up to me, was driving and building deeper relationships because ultimately, my relationships with others were going to determine my results — my strategic goals’ success wasn’t in my hands alone.

CONNECTING THE DOTS

Now, I haven’t always spent my career at Fierce. I have worked at a large corporation where I was one of hundreds of thousands. I’ve also worked at a small start-up where I was one of five.

What I’ve learned, is that no matter the company size or how much resources a team or organization has, in the end, the true work of getting something accomplished is rooted in the relationships of people who are working together.

I’ve seen when the antithesis of this is true when there is a lot of money to throw at a problem but because the relationships were not strong enough and there was no trust, the ultimate goal was not reached.

So here I am, starting in my new role and grounded in the reality that my first 90 days must include strategically aligning a team of people who don’t report to me, who don’t care about my fancy title, but do trust me, and do believe in our vision.

I’ll tell you that this was incredibly difficult. While I always felt that my colleagues supported me, sometimes I felt the limits of that support as they grappled with their assigned workload and my asks and requests were extra work.

So, the question was: how was I going to respond to this? What was I going to do to build that relationship in order to get what I and Fierce needed to be accomplished?

Luckily again, I had the tool of conversations: C=R, also known around Fierce as the conversation equals the relationship. I remember the first time I sat through a Fierce workshop, almost a decade ago, and heard this concept. I was young in my career and it hit me right in the gut.

Being a bit of a Type A personality, I loved it, because it was something I could control.

Whatever you put into the conversation, that is what you’ll get out of the relationship. If you have authentic conversations, you’ll have an authentic relationship. It’s such a simple concept, however, in practice, it can be quite difficult.

Why is it so hard? Because it takes energy, and it takes guts.

PUTTING CONCEPT TO ACTION

For me, and this first year with my new fancy title, I came up short quite a bit in this arena at times. I didn’t confront certain behaviors because I didn’t want to “rock the boat.” I didn’t want to upset a colleague who was helping me but, in fact, some of their help was slowing me down. I was not authentic with them, and so the relationship over time had thinness to it on my side, and I think on theirs too.

I didn’t delegate well to those who agreed to help, so there was a lot of frustration at times on both sides. I delegated like an all or nothing sum game rather than looking at it strategically and with the tools at my disposal.

There were also times I didn’t stop to realize the impact of my ask – simple from my point of view but completely void of the full context of the person on the other end.

I know I left people who were helping me feeling a bit underwhelmed and I think even hurt. Completely unintentional on my part but that’s the thing about how we make others feel – it’s not about us.

So, it’s a new year, I still have my fancy title and now a team and budget, but in reality, my work will live or die by the relationships with others who don’t report to me, and for those who now do, I still have to have a super strong relationship with them or they won’t be inspired to give it their all.

The next step for me is figuring out what I am going to do differently this time around to ensure the growth of our company doesn’t die in its innovation stage.

Below are three areas that I’m putting a strong emphasis on this year and where I recommend you do as well to guarantee you succeed too:

1) Confront behavior right away

This may seem antithetical to building stronger relationships, but it’s actually the best way to be effective.

This is because it’s incredibly important to remember that the person you need to confront is more often than not aware of the impact they are having on you, and that is on you to recognize.

For naysayers, just recently when talking about this with someone else, I literally said, “But I don’t want to make it a big deal.” To which that person said back to me: “Why is confrontation such a bad thing?”

That stopped me in my tracks.

It’s healthy for two people to see things differently, to have different perspectives, and when out of that an issue arises and we ignore it, that’s when we make it a big deal.

She then asked me, “If someone had an issue like this that involved you, would you want to know?” Of course, my answer is yes. I’m a people pleaser, I like giving feedback because it feels safe but still authoritative, however, it’s not always the conversation that is needed.

2) Delegate strategically

One of the first lessons I learned in my business life was being dele-dumped on is terrible. I never wanted to be that person that just gave people the tasks I didn’t want to do.

That train of thought, however, led me to think that everything I was responsible for was my sole obligation – which is false and a very selfish point of view because now I didn’t delegate tasks or strategic pieces of my role. I hoarded everything to myself and brought people in when I needed them which was confusing for others.

I’m currently working on a Delegation Tree, the tool in our Delegation Model at Fierce, for everything I own with my new fancy title. I’ve bucketed my responsibilities into three main groups, and I’m in the process of filling out the tree for those who report to me and those who are supporting the vision of what I’m trying to build.

This includes strategic work down to administrative tasks. After that, my goal is to set up meetings with each person, to talk through the decision tree and get their feedback, with the hope we land on responsibilities by the end of the quarter.

More clear conversations will lead to a relationship of trust.

3) Be responsible for my emotional wake

This is one of the 7 principles of Fierce – Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake. The idea is that you can either leave an aftertaste, an afterglow, or aftermath when interacting with someone.

I take pride that I think I’m pretty good at this philosophy. I am intuitive with people and yet, when I know I’ve made someone upset and I go back and apologize, I need to focus on the next step, which is to actually be able to ask: what feedback do you have for me on this? What am I missing around my ask?

Everyone is carrying a heavy load. At Fierce, we hire such passionate people — they show up 110% every day, and we pride ourselves on being lean and mighty.

That also means that there is a lot going on for every person within the organization. My “simple” ask may in fact not be simple at all. I had a colleague the other day ask me to stop saying something is “simple” in reference to design. Sure, the act itself might not be hard for our amazing designer but the coordination of that act, alongside everything else she is balancing is masterful and disciplined.

I’m also dedicated to bringing more people to strategic meetings early on, so they have more context and transparency behind my asks.

What holds me back, and I’m sure many leaders can relate, is I honestly feel bad sometimes inviting people to meetings. I know they’re busy and don’t want to take up more time. This is my issue and I have to trust, not assume, that they know what’s best for them.

My goal is that by getting curious with others, I’ll create relationships that have power behind them.

No matter what you do this year, it’s imperative that you realize no one can rely on fancy titles to get others to coalesce around our vision and strategy. It’s the relationships we build and ultimately the conversations we have that will or won’t determine our success.

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