Zoom meeting burnout is real — but it doesn’t have to be.

As a Fierce Master Facilitator (and a raging extrovert) my favorite thing to do was be in the classroom — face-to-face with my learners. I loved picking up on the nuances, the smiles, and nods that told me I was resonating with the group. Frowns or slight head tilts that told me I needed to have more clarity or deeper discussion. When COVID-19 made it apparent that in-person training wasn’t going to happen, I was devastated and yet, I had a ‘the show-must-go-on’ mentality.

Since the start of forced social distancing and working from home, I’ve read the articles (like this one) and heard the phrase ‘Zoom Meeting Burnout’ countless times. I can pinpoint the exact moment this happened to me. 

Simultaneously, it was the moment I realized Zoom meeting burnout didn’t have to be my reality. I’ll set the stage for you: I had just finished an 8-hour virtual training for a client. Well, let me rephrase… I had just woken up from a crash nap after an eight-hour virtual training for a client.

Eight. Hours.

Clearly and rightfully so I was exhausted. I made quite a few mistakes during that eight-hour (mistake #1) training, however, my biggest mistake was that I treated it *just* like an in-person classroom. 

I was so concerned with showing up a certain way…showing up the ‘right’ way.

My attention was on me — making sure my virtual background was professional, locking my dog in the bedroom, and telling my partner the exact timing of when they could use the microwave. I was stiff, I was distracted, and I was exhausted. 

After my nap, I realized that if I were going to succeed in this virtual world, and if I were going to allow others to find value in training, something had to change.. quickly.

To find the solution to managing this zoom burnout, all I needed to do was look at the definition of a Fierce Conversation. A Fierce conversation is defined as “a conversation in which we come out from behind ourselves, into the conversation, and make it real.”

I believe that, in this virtual remote-working world, people are being more ‘real’ than ever – but only when we let them. Your employees, your staff, your team, they need to feel encouraged to be ‘real’. 

Steps to Avoid Zoom Meeting Burnout

So, how do we become ‘real’ during Zoom meetings or training? Well, It’s as simple as ABC:

A: Acknowledge Distractions

Since our global shutdown, I’ve started every virtual training welcoming my participants into my home: a 600-square-foot apartment in the Roosevelt neighborhood of Seattle. I let them know immediately what distractions they can expect: I have a partner who might make their way in frame and a 7-year-old border collie named Levi who might squeak some toys or pop his head in camera view (if they’re lucky). 

Then, I encourage my learners to welcome me into their homes, asking them to turn on their cameras if they are able. I let them know that I understand they might have some distractions as well and that is okay. Now they feel able to be real — and that is what I’ve wanted this entire time.

B: Brain Breaks are a MUST

For long trainings or meetings, every hour, at the minimum, give your meeting participants a break! When they come back, ask them, “How did you spend your break?” “What did you do?”

There was a client of ours who I was working with for 2.5 hours a day over the span of 4 days and I LOVED knowing what they did on their breaks. The funny thing is, they loved telling me! 

I found out what lunches they were eating, what podcasts they were listening to, what beverages were being consumed (I promised I wouldn’t tell), which kids needed their hair braided, and which pets needed to go potty. 

The best thing about this is that I learned what was important to them. Often, my learners had 10 minutes or less to do whatever they wanted or needed. If you find out what your people are doing in those 10 minutes, you can deduce quite a bit about what’s front of mind for them, where their attention is, and what’s important when we aren’t on screen.

C: Connect Quickly

While having a company-wide virtual Zoom call is necessary for business, group breakouts of 4 to 5 people are needed for connection. A 5-minute small breakout group at the beginning of your meeting will create deeper connections and buy-in throughout the remainder of the meeting/call/training/etc.  

Imagine how different your meetings would be if, within the first 5 minutes, everyone has contributed to the conversation. When I do this, I love seeing the smiling faces when I bring them back from their breakout groups. The energy is markedly different and now they’re willing to engage, they’re reconnected with their friends and colleagues and that connection reinvests them in the meeting.

It’s Time to Embrace Our ‘Real’ Selves While Remote Working

There you have it: the ABC’s of effective Zoom meetings. How do I know it works? Well, since the start of COVID-19, I’ve facilitated over 100 hours of virtual trainings. You name it, I’ve seen it. Noisy neighbors, crying children, curious roommates, playful pets, hungry partners – and that’s just the living distractions! 

We have messy bookshelves and dying plants, gurgling coffee pots and questionable camera angles — the list goes on and on. I’m here to tell you that whatever your background looks like and sounds like, it is OKAY. Because while some suggest our work and home lives are blurred — I’m suggesting they’re actually blended. No, really! It’s like someone took our lives and put them in a blender. 

We can no longer use our commute to transition between work and home or close our office doors when we need a quiet space to work on a project. We don’t have the time (or the energy) to ‘flip the work switch’ or ‘get into parent mode’. I also think this is a good thing. 

Because of our current climate, we’re being forced to remove the ‘masks’ that we’ve had to wear our entire lives. Our ‘real’ selves are coming through our computer integrated web camera’s and it’s time we embrace this, it’s time we embrace and encourage being real.

As we continue to deal with COVID-19, we are simultaneously experiencing the tumult, outrage, and heartache associated with racism. No matter where we sit on the spectrum of emotions, it is impossible for our mental health to be unaffected. Because the topics at hand are emotional and highly-flammable, our responses to such are, as well.

Without the ability, willingness, and courage to sift and sort through the myriad of things going on in our heads and hearts, we suffer. Our mental and emotional health suffers. Our work, our health, our relationships, and our world suffers.

A recent article by the Harvard Business Review provides data:

“Since the outbreak of the pandemic, 75 percent of people say they feel more socially isolated, 67 percent of people report higher stress, 57 percent are feeling great anxiety, and 53 percent say they feel more emotionally exhausted.

It’s worth noting that these stats are related to the pandemic alone, not the larger complexities within which we’re living. It’s also worth noting that though we see words like “socially isolated,” “stress,” “anxiety,” and “emotionally exhausted,” many of us do not know what words to use to describe all that we’re feeling. And even if we do, we’re often loathed to speak them out loud.

Talking about our emotions, for many of us, is not a skill we’ve learned, nor has it been affirmed, even allowed – especially in the workplace. That gap, the empty space between what we feel and what we actually say in conversations and relationships, is in large part, what drives a lack of mental and emotional health.

I’m very familiar with that gap, believe me.

I was 40 when I entered grad school. Part of the program requirements included that I should be in therapy – a brand new experience for me!

Those 50-minute sessions over 3 years were the first times I’d ever listened to myself talk (outside of the chatter in my head or conversations with close friends). The first time I’d heard myself name out loud to anyone other than myself where, how, and why I was feeling pain. The first time I was really listened to with that level of intensity, even intimacy. It was transformational. And it was incredibly difficult. It still is.

Now I work at Fierce Conversations – an organization that trains others on how to have conversations that matter, that make an impact, that create and strengthen relationships that not only drive results but enhance all of life. Over and over we talk about emotions – why they matter, must be named, and how effective leadership depends upon such. This still is not easy – for us or our clients.

We’re not alone. Another article from Harvard Business Review says, “We hide emotions in an attempt to stay in control, look strong, and keep things at arm’s length. But in reality, doing so diminishes our control and weakens our capacity to lead – because it hamstrings us. We end up not saying what we mean or meaning what we say. We beat around the bush. And that never connects, compels, or communicates powerfully.”

We can do better.

Talking (out loud) about our own emotions and encouraging/allowing the same in those around us is a skill we must build and a priority we must hold.

We must create and sustain work (and family) cultures that value, even expect that people will name their concerns, anxiety, and fears just as easily as their delight, celebration, and joy.

If all we did was look at this through an ROI lens, we’d reach the same conclusion. A case study published by Forbes makes the following point:

“Evidence shows that investing in employee well-being can deliver bottom-line returns. And when companies approach well-being as a core business strategy, and not solely to lower employer healthcare costs, it can lead to measurable ROI through higher engagement, lower turnover, and better productivity.”

Did I mention that none of this is easy? Do I need to mention that the absence of this: is our denial or refusal of expressed feelings (and opinions, beliefs, thoughts), is at least in part, responsible for the trauma and pain we’re living in daily?

Because we’ve not allowed for and invited others’ articulated experiences and emotions, the gap has gotten wider and wider. Safety has been sucked out of far too many conversational contexts, and every kind of health – not just emotional and mental – is up for grabs: social, financial, organizational, cultural, environmental, global…the list goes on.

Steps to Take Care of Your Mental Health

No, not one bit of this is easy. But there are small, actionable steps we can take.

1. Be aware of your own emotions.

You have them, whether you talk about them, or not. What if you did? What are they? What, exactly, do you feel? When you feel these things, how does that impact your behavior – and subsequent results? Where and with whom can you name this without risk? As leaders, we cannot expect to create a safe space for others’ emotions (or emotional health) if we’re not aware of our own.

2. Ask about others’ emotions.

No agenda. No fixing. No talk of silver-linings. Simple questions asked genuinely go a long way: “What’s going on for you?” “How are you, really?” “When you consider those potential outcomes, what do you feel?” Then wait. Breathe through your own discomfort with the silence. Listen. And trust that if asked – with sincerity, consistency, and compassion – people will respond.

It takes consistency and commitment to have healthy interactions – let alone be healthy people. But to deny any of it is to our peril – individually and collectively.

Have healthy conversations with yourself. Have healthy conversations with others. Talk about health – emotional, mental, and any other forms! All of it defined by curiosity, openness, and grace.

A quote we repeat time and again at Fierce serves as mantra and motivation: “Though no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a company, a relationship, or a life [even the world]…any single conversation can.”

Some “trajectory changing” is what we most desperately need today – at work, at home, as a nation, as a planet.

Single conversations are what enable and empower all of this; single conversations that acknowledge, allow for, and invite (out loud) emotions – and emotional health. Simple, not easy. And truly, non-negotiable. One conversation at a time.